#7

Selena had abandoned me, and the hot sorority sisters were gone. My mind felt as if it were in a whirlwind, trying to grasp a thought, something to save me from this horrible fate.

The baby had winked at me, but not at her mother. Her mother was displeased, probably thinking I had been brainwashing her flesh and blood to hate her and thus she was getting ready to dispatch me from this life. I believed she very likely had a garrote in her purse at that very moment.

Selena squealed with joy at the sight of her mother and started reaching to her mother with unsteady arms that turned like corkscrews in the air. The kid decided to save me after all.

"Hey sweetie," Jenny said as the light came back into her face. "Alex didn't try to molest you or anything while I was away, did he?"

"Mam-ma," said the little angel, seeming to chew on her words as she said them. She cooed with contentment as Jenny pulled her close and rocked her to and fro. Katie looked ready to tear the baby from her mother at the slightest opportunity and run for the door. I had to get her mind onto something else.

"Hey Katie, how's the custodian job working out," I said, which, when asked of Katie, translates to "what is the most disgusting thing you've had to deal with today?".

"Oh, Alex, I've been wanting to tell you," she said, pretending to enjoy my inquiry. "Did you read the Fourum comment about Justin Hall?"

I acknowledged.

"I had to clean up the remains of a deer that some jackass gutted and cleaned in the bathroom," she said, pausing at the word "cleaned" to swallow a vomit-in-progress. "I swear it must have been a Chi Omega." She paused again, before naming the Greek letters.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

"I've just come to expect that sort of behavior from frat boys," she said.

"Chi Omega is a sorority," I said, growing more confused.

"Oh, I meant Alpha Chi Omega," she said, drawing out the "Alpha" for emphasis.

"They're a sorority, too," I said as I realized that while she may have had a traumatizing experience, she had no idea who she was trying to pin the blame on.

"Well, someone killed a deer and left its innards in there, and I had to clean it up," she said.

"Is this sudden blame game with Greek alphabet soup somehow related to Spring b---," I tried to ask. Katie grabbed my jaw, dug her fingernails into my lips and squeezed, ending the question.

"Not another word," she said, her voice bearing the warmth of a night under the stars in Antarctica.

If you must know, Katie had herself a one-night-stand with what she believes to have been a fraternity brother during Spring Break two years ago. She based this judgment off her partial memory of his shirt having "funny-looking letters on it." She later had a false-alarm of the late-visitor kind, and from that moment on has hated everything Greek in existence. She was even banned from the food court after decking one of the employees when he offered her a free sample of some falafel.

I have since maintained that he deserved it, as would you if you'd seen her send him flying through the salad bar sneeze guard. I have also made it a point to never, ever go near her with the scent of a pita on my breath.

Katie relaxed her grip and I checked for bleeding. We resumed conversation.

"I figured someone had done something nasty, but that's downright insane," I said. "However, I must admit it's much more creative than your average throw-feces-around-the-room character."

"Just give him a damned medal, why don' cha?" she said as she grabbed her bag and stood up. She leaned over to Jenny and the baby, who had been shielded from the previous, disgusting conversation by their envelopment in one another.

"Goodbye Selena, my swee..." she said, but couldn't get the second syllable of "sweetie" out before the child erupted in howls of terror as tears streamed down her face, her normal reaction to Katie getting too close for comfort whilst not in a good mood. "Aw, screw it."

Jenny looked at me. I looked at Jenny. Selena calmed down, then got that funny look babies get from time to time.

"Oh how I look forward to the day you've finished potty training," she said as she stood up, big me farewell, and made her way to bathroom she'd just left.